White people have this tradition to bond friendships that they learned from the Natives. Each man pricks his finger and the two exchange blood. This old trick solidifies the relationship so they get through thick and thin together. This way, no matter what happens, I’ll hang in there.
Italians have a different system. Instead of pulling out a hatchet we insult each other right at the start. This way, no matter what happens it’s not the end of the world. Getting the worst out early works for two obvious reasons: one, Italians suck at physical altercation and two, we love to shout.
Magic words
The magic words are FU and calling the other a knob. These are the biggies that make two gentlemen friends. If your relationship can survive these simple insults it’s ready for the long term. That’s why we test it early—so nobody wastes time.
Of course, white people are different. Even after trading blood, most friendships remain tenuous. You could be buddies for twenty-something years, swapping both blue jeans and beer, only to cross this imaginary line and poof—it’s over. Italians could never operate like this. We wouldn’t have friends.
Anger
Hey, anger is natural and it’s good to sound off. Some on a daily basis, some by the hour. People need to blow off steam from time to time because it’s unhealthy to keep thoughts bottled up. But what’s important is that everyone gets over it.
The problem with white people—those from the British Isles, Germany, Holland, and Rural Alberta—is they’re sensitive to being called stupid. Italians don’t have this problem. We already know we are. Intellectual superiority isn’t important to us. But with white people it’s a really big deal. That’s why you have to watch yourself around them.
Summary
Allowing immigration was a wonderful idea (and thanks again) but newcomers aren’t just about cheap labour and good food. You can learn many things from us and fighting is one. Letting out opinions without repercussion is a great way to communicate and you’ll fall in love with it fast. Nobody is Zeus around here. We’re all on the same path.
So put on the pasta and say what you think. Honesty is a great step on the way to progress. But remember, there’s one cardinal rule—no mothers.