When I went to school they used to make you take tests. Universal ones so the ministry could see how kids were doing. They’d give you a pencil along with a quiz sheet, and it was your job to fill in the correct circle. And these tests were given by subject. So when I was in grade 8, my rating for math was mid-year grade 11. Top of the class. Then when I actually got to grade 11, I earned top marks on my year-end report card. But in grade 12, I only got 50%.
There were 38 students in a classroom built for 37, so I spent every morning in the cafeteria eating donuts. I basically skipped the entire first term. Then when the midterm came along, I wrote it from memory. Well, I guess the whole group did poorly because this teacher gave us a scolding. He said, “Guys, this test was pretty easy, one boy got 50 without coming to class.”
Bottom line, I was good at grade eleven math.
So was this election unethical? It’s not that difficult to say. Ask any Italian politician and they’ll tell you there are three ways to fix a vote. You either rig the count, screw with the software, or add fraudulent votes—what we call adding cream to the soup. Number one is out. US elections are conducted better than in any other country, and theirs is the only system that employs an elected official to certify the count. Thousands of people are involved and many have been doing this for years. So no matter what happens, all votes get properly recorded. Number one is out.
How about the software? Isn’t everything possible with technology? No, not really. There are so many manual checks and balances that it would be impossible to hyper-jack this result. So in this particular case, there was only one way to put in the fix and that was by adding fraudulence to the cream in the soup. And when you add too many inconspicuous ballots, it shows up mathematically. Wanna know why? Because Trump got too many votes.
So it doesn’t matter how many scrutineers were observing or what time voters actually came in. It doesn’t even matter about the type II stupefy great all-purpose ballots. What matters is the final end figures. Because the more cream you add, the more it becomes obvious—somebody was cheating. This whole challenge will come down to judging by everyday people, using grade 11 math.
Now if there was a little bit of cheating, you wouldn’t notice. But if the discrepancies are egregious, somebody is going to jail. For example, in the last election 135M people voted and this time it looks like 149. Anything odd about those additional millions? Let’s look at Michigan. They went from 4.5M in 2016 to 5.5M today. An increase of 22% when the nation is up only 10. Were these extras cast only in Detroit and the surrounding area? This will be the analysis used to establish anything odd.
So that’s the challenge and it will probably take weeks. In the meantime, let’s employ a comedic version of mystery crime writer, Dan Brown, to give us an imaginary foreglimpse into the courtroom.
- Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the sorta truth, or at least a kernel of the truth. So help you atheist or believer in God?
- Witness: I do.
- Prosecutor: Please state your name loudly into the microphone.
- Witness: DANNY ANGELO BIGIONI.
- Prosecutor: Hey, are you the kid who’s really good at math?
- Witness: Yes sir, at the grade eleven level.
- Prosecutor: Okay then, tell us your story.
- Witness: Well, I got home around 7:00 to watch the election. First I loaded the computer with the appropriate displays then turned on the telly.
- Prosecutor: That’s preposterous. Why wouldn’t you just watch it on TV?
- Witness: Because US news is crooked sir. You see, all data comes from the very same place. CNN doesn’t have their own information and neither does Fox. All agencies get their data from one original source–the Associated Press. And it has two sites. One of its own and another only accessible from C-SPAN. The difference with C-SPAN is that it shows total presidential vote.
- Prosecutor: Well, everyone knows the American media is corrupt. What did they do this time?
- Witness: They didn’t report information as it happened. They gave Texas to Trump an hour or two after the announcement but gave Biden everything right away. This way, it looks like the Democrats are always winning. So if people go to bed with the Democrats and wake up with the Democrats, it’s probably over. That’s how they create an illusion.
- Prosecutor: An illusion? What an illusion? Doesn’t the real winner win?
- Witness: It depends sir. In a regular scammed election, while people are sleeping, you add cream to the soup. At 11:47 PM MST, I knew Trump was mathematically uncatchable. So in case something happened, I emailed 40 people with the message MARK DOWN THIS TIME. This way I’d always have proof.
- Prosecutor: Doesn’t Google automatically timestamp everything? Why did you ask friends to write down the time?
- Witness: Because I suspected big tech was in on it sir. And what’s really great is that these people are in Canada so they’re very impartial. Validation by these 40 witnesses will be trusted by everyone. Just fly them in and you’ll have your absolute proof.
- Judge: Very well, mister grade 11. We’ll fly in the witnesses. Let’s have them here by tomorrow because I want to lock up these crooks. But I have one more question for you. Do you think Donald Trump is a solid and ethical person?
- Witness: Yes sir, I do. Along with Jack Nicklaus, Bobby Orr, Herschel Walker, Toby Keith, 50 Cent, and the President of Japan. I feel he’s very much an ethical person. Donald doesn’t always talk nice but look at what he’s faced. Every morning 100 unethical journalists start talking down to him. So it’s not always easy to speak like a gentleman. I know an awful lot of people didn’t like him, but armed with only a cellphone and 72 million voters (which broke Obama’s record) he saved democracy for the world. And I don’t think any man can do better than that.
- You see, not only am I a stout mathematician, I’ve studied deeply in economics. And in my opinion, every policy passed was for the benefit of the American people. And it is my belief that given a second term, he would have addressed the corruption on Wall Street.
- He’s represented people who were widely forgotten. From fighting in Vietnam to Iraq, there’s been no end to these unjustified wars. Plus folks have been compromised financially through the crash of ‘08 and full globalization that didn’t need to happen. This man, your honour, took up a cause for everyday people and God bless him for that. So for all of these unpassionate reasons, I DANNY ANGELO BIGIONI hereby certify that Donald Trump was one hell of a president. And I stake my personal reputation on it.
In the Dan Brown version, Trump gets to handcuff the culprits with an apologetic media applauding all around. Donald then declares a personal donation towards Canadian mental health. Democracy is restored and the world sleeps in peace. In the real-life version, it comes down to mathematics and discrepancies must be egregious.
‘Cause most of us can live with “just close enough.”