Being well-raised is what separates people from animals. Because, to be honest, we’re not all that different. Sure, mamma bear shows basic instincts to her cubs but she doesn’t bitch at them to get to school or brush their teeth. And it’s this list of civilizing characteristics that we’re here to discuss.
It’s not that some families are bad, we just don’t all come from homes that enforce the way you’re supposed to act. In most cases, it’s because they didn’t know any better themselves. And because we don’t all grow up the same, some of us are short on skills that would serve us well in places like the business world. So let’s make a list for everyone to know (at least, my two).
Dress
Don’t wear cut-offs to a barbecue and never wear anything issued by the military (pajamas are fine). Dressing like this shows you’re low-end and it’s embarrassing to those around you. Yes, others should accept you “the way you are,” but don’t make them stretch. You too can bend by respecting social norms. Everyone needs a pair of nice slacks, dressy shoes, and a good set of gloves. There’s more to life than denim and Italians have designed more than just the golf shirt.
Grooming
Boys, clip your nails and everyone should shower every day. Long nails on men are creepy and perfume only goes so far. Trim your eyebrows when need be, and if there’s a hair hanging from your nose—pluck it. Upper-class people aren’t that demanding. They simply wish you wash and try your best.
Table Manners
Eat with two utensils and never lick your knife. Wait until everyone is seated before starting and acknowledge the effort by complimenting the cook. (Ask your mother for everything else—I’m not good at this stuff myself.)
Language
Use clean language—even when telling a joke. And never tell dirty stories in mixed company. Yes, boys have a dark side, but try to hide it from ladies and the kids.
Cleanliness
Well-raised people take responsibility for their messes and never wish to be called a slob. This extends to general cleanliness, like keeping a nice yard and washing behind the fridge.
Timeliness
Famed football coach Vince Lombardi said “if you’re ten minutes early, you’re five minutes late,” alluding to the fact you should always be fifteen minutes early for everything. Mature people are organized and don’t need much forgiveness in this area. It just takes practice and concentration.
Conversation
You don’t always have to agree but respecting another’s opinion is a virtue (especially if they have a better education on the topic). Asking questions is certainly an act of high standing and it’s always good not to interrupt.
Self-control
Public anger is for dumb people and babies. Never get caught exposing primal impulses in public. It’s just not how to act.
Thank you and sorry
Classy people say thank you because they’re appreciative. Sometimes they even send little notes or call. And they apologize for their mishaps by using the Scottish expression “Forgive me. I must have forgot my manners.” They also take responsibility for being wrong—it shows integrity.
Having a job
When you have a job, show up on time and appreciate the fact you’re working. Employers don’t like it when you come in late or illegitimately call in sick. They also don’t like when you quit without giving notice. If you’re not happy with your position, discuss it with your employer and, if things don’t work out, find another job. But don’t walk away in a storm. Remember, personal references are important, especially as you get older.
Money
Everyone knows you should always have money in your pocket and pay your own way, but a good person also lives within their means and saves. You don’t want to burden friends or throw yourself on society because you’re financially inept. Get it together when it comes to money.
Summary
There’s more to adulthood than how you act at the table.
Growing up means you consistently move towards becoming an adult. Kids are irresponsible, adults are not. Kids are unreliable, adults are not. Kids are takers, adults are not. Somehow you have to make the transition. And it should be done by the age of twenty. Why? Because there’s even more to know and this list isn’t that hard.
Generally speaking, a well-raised person comes from folks who are decent people. Kids draw from the blueprint their parents have made. So if the parents don’t know how to act, so goes the child. And the subliminal secret is: if you want well-raised children, you have to act this way yourself.
Excuse me while I clean up my language and trim my nails.