I once came up with a theory on life but my friend, Tim, invented one that’s even better. My version says life is an exercise in survival and we survive both physically and emotionally. Status is a big part of surviving emotionally. But my friend, Tim Maslow, says there are five stages—all in a hierarchy. The first two involve physical. Stage 1 is the need for food, shelter, and clothing; stage 2 adds physical safety. The next two address emotions. Stage 3 says we need a peer group; stage 4 says that, once attained, we need to stand out within that group.
Stage 3 is interesting because it explains the preoccupation we all have with “keeping up with the Joneses” and why some kids will stab a complete stranger in order to join a street gang. Nature dictates that everyone needs a peer group and we’ll use our most innate skills to obtain one. It’s part of being human.
Stage 4 says that once you get into a group, you somehow need to distinguish yourself within it. We have to stand out so people don’t forget about us. Mike the Italian guy, big Bill, Mary with the red car. Everyone needs to be identified in some unique way. A good example can be seen inside a men’s locker room. There’s always the rich guy, the smart guy, the funny guy, the one who’s best looking, the best athlete, etc.
Now some people cruise through life always in possession of status—for once you’ve competed in the Olympics, it stays with you. But most of us have to continually earn it. For example, when you meet parents at a school group or start a new job, you must be first accepted into the group and then will naturally wish to establish yourself within it. They say kids are constantly seeking status while older folk can’t help but reinforce their own. It’s like status is a condition we don’t seem to recognize and outgrow. Its quest is always at the center of social interaction, especially when meeting new people. Try this. Go for lunch with friends and do nothing to evoke your own status. Just yield to theirs. You’ll be amazed by what you find. You’ll see status is everywhere in conversation. It’s like we’re slaves to it.
Status is also productively used by advertisers. Our search for identity has now led us into being a BMW man or an Apple guy. In one sense it can be viewed as sad and in another it’s just life. Either way, it’s important to identify with people’s desired status and sometimes nourish it. You may also need to analyze what it is you wish from your own, and why.
By the way, Stage 5 in Maslow’s Hierarchy is when you outgrow the need for social status and self-actualize (but nobody ever does it).