How to Pick Up a Waitress

When it comes to choosing a partner, most women want the same thing—a nice guy who finds them attractive. So any gentleman who finds himself smitten must first impress the lady that he’s nice, and then toss her a compliment.

Let’s take an example using a waitress. On the first few occasions when she comes to your table, be attentive, courteous, and polite. Then on the third or fourth visit, tell her that she’s pretty.

After the compliment, she’ll come back either receptive and warm, or professional and cold. If she comes back warm (like, touching your shoulder or asking where your lady is tonight), the door is open. Your job now is just to say the right thing.

If she comes back all professional and cold, saying something like, “Is everything okay, here?”—you’re hooped. Move three tables over and start hitting on the dishwasher. But if she’s warm, go with something like, “How’d you like to join me for lunch, tomorrow?” Better yet, a “late lunch” (since you’re sensitive to the fact that she works late).

Ideally, this procedure should occur over two or three visits (that’s the way nice guys do it) but it can also work all in one night.

Remember, the formula is:

Nice ➔ Compliment ➔ Response ➔ Proposition

And don’t take too long to ask her out. Girls can’t wait forever. You need to perform these steps within a certain time frame. Practice on your mom—she’ll let you down easy. Then move up to a waitress. You might get extra fries.