Lots of people have trouble arguing these days, especially with so much to fight about. Some feel it’s a duel to the death and somehow family honour gets involved. They go after each other tooth and nail until somebody has to pull down their pants. It’s crazy. So here’s the news: arguing is the way to get closer to truth. You must engage.
If you want to get Greek about it, how do you think philosophy got started? Plato, Aristotle, and the boys were not geniuses. They just pushed each other until finding something worth writing down. And this pushing came mostly from friends (each other).
So fighting is good and a healthy way to spend time, but if done incorrectly you can lose pals. A situation that can be avoided by using three simple rules: social issues aren’t science, you must continually hone views, and an argument is never over. You keep fighting and honing until never reaching the end.
Science
In the world of science, whenever someone makes any sort of claim the community goes about its best to prove them wrong. Only after surviving this barrage of meticulous testing is any one claim deemed to be actual fact. But when it comes to social situations, how do we discover truth in the absence of certainty? There’s nothing to measure and we can’t generate tests that continually yield the same results.
Answer: the very same way. Do your best, put it up for examination, and wait for sparks to fly. Then after getting ripped apart a few times, jump back up and make adjustments. This way you get closer to rock solid. Yes, the process is frustrating but it’s the only way.
Honing
In comedy, you can’t get good unless you perform before small crowds. With large ones, there’s always some group that’s laughing. But with 20-30 people, you can hear the difference. Less than half isn’t the same as 75-90%—the line between A-jokes and B’s. But once you hone your act, roars will be thunderous back on the big stage.
Making an argument is the same sort of thing, you don’t just do it once. It’s not like writing a speech. With comedy you get to practice and perform, over and over. Now think of lawyers arguing the same case in multiplicity. Each time they present, statements can be refined until delivering only A-type material. Lots of work, but totally cool when done.
Approach
We’ve all seen TV courtrooms so we basically know the format. It’s not a verbal fist fight. We’re hosting a sensible discussion with some awesome points. But for seekers there’s a difference. Our lawyers aren’t just trying to win, we’re engineers searching for truth.
Write down allegations, address them one by one, and list agreed upon facts. Then when getting to the details, recognize the hard work. Not as entertaining as entertainment, but fun the same way. Defendants are usually charged with multiple counts, so settling one doesn’t finish the whole case. Participants should be respectful and try to agree. And it’s okay to table things. The goal isn’t about winning, it’s to better one’s truth.
What screws people up is emotion. Something a real court dismisses. So before starting any new fight please make a choice: are you looking for emotional validation or searching for truth? Because if it’s truth you desire, put feelings aside. Emotions cloud logic and cause PsD. No sense tackling an issue when your mind’s already made up.
Summary
People are dying to argue but we really don’t know how. There isn’t a common system and feelings get messed up. But for those who partake there’s one golden rule. No getting pissed off. If you enter the ring, be prepared for conflict. Not everyone sees things the same. And though we’ve been taught to be well-mannered, sometimes the gloves come off. It’s just the nature of the game. But in the end, it’s worth it. (And what else do you do when retired.)
Adversaries are not enemies, they’re friends. And nobody ever loses when both parties win.
An Irish argument differs because it’s mostly based in fun. The idea is to make everything up. But a genuine disagreement is more serious and a true test of will. Buddies get called out, which helps make the point. And pushing people to do better is one of the nicest things. So grab a shovel and come digging. We’re headed for the centre of the Earth. Sure we’ll never get there, but at least we’ll live trying.